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If you’re a man’s man and are sick of sorting through the endless sea of cartoonish, outlandish online slots and want to get down to some blokey pokie playing, you have come to the right place. We’re going to have a look at the top five online pokies for those of us burdened with an overwhelming supply of testosterone. And just in case five isn’t enough we’ll have a quick glance at the top three notable mentions too. We will outline what makes each game so blokey and where you can play them.
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Top 5 online pokies titles for men
The quintessential guys movie, Scarface had everything: swearing, sex, violence and the greatest theatrical quote of all time: “Say hello to my little friend”.
NetEntertainment have done a top job re-creating Brian DePalma’s 1983 classic, really getting the mood and violence of the movie into the game.
Scarface is a 5-reel, 20-payline pokie with a minimum bet of $0.20 and a max bet of $100. The great thing about Scarface is there are three bonus games or features. Each feature is triggered when its respective stacked wild symbol covers its specific reel.
First there is the Manny Nudge Spin feature which appears on reel two. Each consecutive spin is free but the stacked wild lowers one symbol per spin.
Secondly there is the Tony’s Last Stand bonus appears on reel three and sees the climactic final scene of Scarface re-created. As Tony, you must fight off the Bolivian hit squad. Each person you kill awards you a credit prize.
Lastly the Elvira stacked symbol on reel four triggers 15 free games with all wins tripled.
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This blood and gore masterpiece is a 5-reel, 20-payline pokie with a minimum bet of $0.20 and a maximum bet of $400 per spin. So if you want to prove how manly you are by punting $400 per spin, go for it.
Zombies is a great game with more bonuses and features than you can poke a stick at. Among the eye balls, severed brains and circular saw symbols there is an easily identifiable wild symbol as well as a stacked wild zombie symbol on reel three. If only part of the zombie stacked wild symbol appears during a spin, it is nudged to cover the entirety of reel three.
Three scattered infectious disease containers on reels two, three and four triggers five free games with a compounding multiplier starting at x1 for the first spin and ending with x10 on your fifth and final spin. Now if you are thinking five free spins sounds a bit stingy, well hold on. In between each spin you are taken to another screen where zombies are invading a shopping mall. Each zombie you shoot rewards a cash prize.
There is also a random wild feature when two zombie heads cover the playing screen and each gunshot to the heads leaves a wild symbol on the playing screen. Your win is then calculated accordingly.
It doesn’t get much manlier than the quintessential gentleman’s magazine, Playboy. Those genius minds at Microgaming took Playboy and adapted it for the small screen as this 5-reel, 243 ways online pokie with a minimum bet of $0.30 and a maximum of $37.50.
During the game the Playboy bunny insignia is a wild symbol that doubles any win it is part of.
Any three, four or five scattered magazine covers is your ticket to the Playboy Club which is initially 10 free games with all wins x5. However if you manage to re-trigger the feature during the free games new options are available, like 15 free spins with running wilds, 20 free spins with rolling reels and 25 free spins with the random wild night feature.
The only let down with this game is the symbols are all animated and not lifted straight from the glorious pages of Playboy itself.
This game is available at most casinos which have Microgaming titles available.
4. South Park
The South Park online slot, by Net Entertainment, perfectly manages to harness the zany, hilarity of the Comedy Central South Park TV show.
This five reel, 25 payline pokie can be played for as little as $0.25 with a max bet of $250.
South Park boasts three randomly triggered features: the Mr. Hankey mini feature, which can leave up to five wild symbols in his wake, the Terrence and Philip mini feature which leaves three wild symbols on reels two, three and four only and the Cartman beefcake mini feature, which is a 3×3 block of wilds on reels two, three and four.
As well as that, South Park offers four possible bonus games which can be triggered by any scattered “bonus” symbol on reels three, four and five. The bonus games are the Kyle, kick the baby 10 bonus spins, the Kenny bonus game, the Cartman bonus game and the Stan sticky wild bonus spins.
5. Mr. Vegas
Mr. Vegas swaggers through the casinos of Las Vegas with a harem of women at his beck and call and seems to win and lose a small fortune on the tables every night without batting an eye lid. Just like a real casino beautiful women and flashing lights try to distract you from your game skills.
This is a 5-reel, 30-payline pokie with a minimum bet of $0.60 and a maximum spin of $150, Mr. Vegas caters to everyone from the frugal to the fat cat’s of the world.
If you manage to spin a Mr. Vegas symbol next to a dice symbol on reels one, two or three you unlock free spins. The total of the craps dice you throw is how many pokies free spins you get and if the dice’ result is a double that means all wins are x2.
Any three or more slot machine symbols triggers the mini slot feature where you get to have at least three spins of an old school slot machine.
Spinning up any five wheel clickers in the top left hand corner of any symbol unlocks the lucky wheel bonus round which can award credit prizes, bonus round or even the progressive jackpot!
There is also the Mr. Vegas roulette bonus which can be triggered by three Mr. Vegas symbols on reels one, three and five. During this bonus game Mr. Vegas, with two women in toe, makes three bets on a roulette table. If your number spins up on the roulette wheel then you win.
You can play Mr Vegas for free or for real money at G’day Casino and claim an unlimited 100 per cent welcome bonus.
Like what you see above? There’s plenty more where they came from! Here is just a sprinkling of some of the other best online pokies for men.
He’s not just any man, he’s Superman and he has his own Super-online-pokie. Superman, by NYX Entertainment, can be played for as little as $1 per spin and as much as $200. With the bonus bet activated you can win the Superman Free Games Feature and the Save the World Feature.
This 5-reel, 15 payline based on the Playstation game has three bonus or feature games as well as expanding wilds that cover the entire reel it spins up on. You can play Hitman for as little as $0.15 and a maximum of $150. You can play Hitman at RoyalVegasCasino.com.
Game of Thrones
When you are in between seasons of the greatest show of all time, this game is just the thing to get you through. This is a 243 ways online slot by Microgaming that has the opening credits theme song playing over the regular game. This game boasts stacked wilds and a free games feature with stacked symbols. Play Game of Thrones at Royal Vegas, All Slots Casino and G’day Casino.
So now the next time your testosterone takes control while you are having a punt you can search for these games to get a manly fix while having a spin on the pokies. Wanna get in touch with your feminine side? Check out our recommended pokies for women.
For more inspiration, check out these guides to manly themed pokies:
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